Managing Perfectionism: CBT Tools That Work
If you’re someone who always feels pressure to do things perfectly…whether it’s at school, work, or in relationships, you might be someone who understands the pros and the cons of perfectionism. On one hand, having high standards can drive a person towards success and achievement. On the other, they can cause a person to become self-critical, anxious, and to feel that nothing is ever good enough, which can cause a person to feel overwhelmed.
At East Side CBT, we often work with individuals who describe feeling both proud of their motivation and drive to succeed but also trapped by the feelings of stress that come along with it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers evidence-based strategies to help people keep the positive aspects of perfectionism while letting go of the patterns that create distress and feelings of burnout.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism isn’t just about striving to do well… It’s about the feeling that anything less than perfection is complete failure. For many, this mindset develops as early as childhood, when someone is praised for achievement or experiences criticism that causes them to worry about that happening ever again. Over time, this creates rigid beliefs like:
“If I am not the best, I am a failure”
“Making a mistake means I have failed”
“People will only like me if I do not make any mistakes”
These erroneous beliefs often lead to a type of thought distortion called all-or-nothing thinking, extreme levels of stress, feelings of numbing procrastination, and difficulty enjoying success when it comes. Many don’t realize that perfectionism can actually reduce motivation and productivity over time. Fear of mistakes, over time, can become stronger than the desire to try something new or unpredictable.
How CBT Addresses Perfectionism
CBT helps a person notice and change the unhelpful thought patterns that cause perfectionism to persist. The goal is not to lower a person’s standards for themselves, but to make them more realistically attainable in a way that is flexible.
Through CBT, a person will learn to:
Identify thoughts that are perfectionistic and notice the feeling that comes from those thoughts (anxiety, stress, self-doubt)
Challenge untrue or unhelpful beliefs about what “success” and “failure” actually mean
Develop healthy standards that help a person reach toward emotional growth rather than fear and doubt
Expose themselves to minor imperfections to see what actually happens when things don’t go perfectly
Over time, a person will learn new ways to think that can ultimately change how they feel and behave, leaving them with the opportunity to choose curiosity and creativity rather than fear, procrastination, and avoidance.
Common CBT Tools for Perfectionism
1. Identifying Cognitive Distortions
CBT helps you notice “thinking trap” patterns like “catastrophizing” (imagining the worst possible outcome) or “should statements” (“I should have done better on that task”). Simply identifying and labeling these thoughts as thinking traps can reduce the reactivity someone feels from thinking them in the first place.
For example:
“If I make a mistake, no one will like me and I will never succeed,” becomes “Mistakes happen and I can grow from them. If I make a mistake, I can recover and still do well overall.”
Learn more about how cognitive distortions shape perfectionistic thinking.
2. Behavioral Experiments or “Exposures”
Perfectionism is maintained by avoidance. People who are perfectionists often avoid risks, mistakes, or criticisms of their performance. CBT therapists will help their clients to test perfectionistic beliefs in a practice we call exposure therapy. Exposure therapy works by having a person be “exposed” to something they fear, gradually, to help them notice that it is not as catastrophic as they may believe.
For instance, sending an email with a typo, submitting an assignment without triple checking it, or saying “I don’t know” in a meeting can help a person learn that making mistakes or being imperfect rarely leads to catastrophe.
These exercises help retrain the brain to tolerate discomfort and allow for opportunities to use a growth mindset over a rigid thought process that leads to avoidance or emotional shut-down. t.
3. Reframing What “Failure” Is
CBT treatment helps you find ways to rethink of mistakes as something to learn from, not a disaster that you may never be able to recover from. Instead of becoming fixated on your imperfections, you will learn to ask:
“What is a lesson to be learned from this?”
“What were the positives of this situation?”
“If this were happening to a friend, what would I tell them to do?”
Thinking this way is supportive and helps you develop skills to be resilient, to grow as a person, and to be able to reflect on both the positive and negative experiences in your life. These life skills are far more powerful than perfectionism.
When Perfectionism Becomes Overwhelming
Perfectionism can be productive and motivating in some small doses, but when it starts causing excessive stress, difficulty sleeping and/or fatigue, or strains in your relationships, it may be time for additional support. CBT helps you to learn to identify what’s driving your perfectionism and teaches you tools to manage it effectively so you can use the positive aspects of perfectionistic tendencies to thrive.
Finding Balance with East Side CBT
At East Side CBT, our therapists specialize in helping clients learn to manage anxiety, self-doubt, and perfectionism through evidence-based techniques that really work and help make long-term change for those who feel stuck. Together, we help you understand where perfectionism comes from, challenge the thoughts that sustain it, and identify new ways to measure what is “success: based on progress and effort, not the outcome of perfection.
If you’re ready to trade constant feelings of stress and pressure for feelings of self-confidence and balance, CBT may be a great treatment for you. Reach out to East Side CBT for support.