CBT for Social Anxiety: Steps to Break Free from Fear
Social anxiety disorder is a common mental health condition that causes someone to experience significant anxiety from socialization. Social anxiety disorder, previously known as social phobia, stems from a fear of embarrassment, judgment, or other negative responses from people.
When someone develops this fear, their emotional discomfort often leads them to avoid social interactions. Therefore, it is common for someone with social anxiety disorder to withdraw from others around them. This not only makes it more difficult to overcome these uncomfortable feelings, but it also leads to difficulty connecting with others. Individuals may strain existing relationships and avoid meeting new people altogether. As a result, social anxiety disorder can worsen without treatment. But there are ways to manage this fear and learn to socialize with greater ease.
Challenge negative thoughts
Fear is a biological response designed to keep us safe from danger. However, over time, people may become fearful and anxious of things that don’t pose a real threat. This is why challenging negative thoughts and beliefs is one of the most crucial ways to overcome any fear. To do this, you must know what negative thoughts you have about social situations. Pay attention to what goes through your mind prior to or during social gatherings. These might include:
“Jenna doesn’t like me.”
“The host didn’t want to invite me tonight.”
“The new person I met today judged me for how my hair looked.”
“Everyone at the work party will think my casual clothes are ugly.”
Once you know what thoughts cause you the most distress, you can ask yourself if there is any reason or evidence that makes you feel this way. In very many cases, there is no one source of the fear we have – it forms as a result of envisioning the worst-case scenario.
The next step is to replace those thoughts with gentler and more realistic ones. For example, it’s very unlikely that a host didn’t want to invite someone who came to their party, so it’s rather unrealistic to worry about this. If someone didn’t want to invite you, they wouldn’t have. A more appropriate thought is that the host is happy to see you and appreciates the delicious dish you brought. This thought not only reflects positive emotions, but acknowledges the effort that you made by showing up.
Use relaxation techniques
Anyone who has experienced uncomfortable emotions knows they are not pleasant to sit with. They often make it hard to focus on other things and can even travel elsewhere in our body, possibly causing us an upset stomach, headaches, fatigue, and pain with no specific cause. Relaxation techniques are a great way to deal with this distress in a way that reconnects your mind and your body. If you’re new to relaxation techniques, trial a few to use in social situations. Here are some to get you started:
Guided imagery: This technique traditionally involves taking your mind somewhere you enjoy such as your childhood home, a favorite vacation spot, or a quiet getaway where you like to get some peace. But guided imagery can help people with social anxiety to envision success. Try using this technique to picture yourself navigating a sticky social situation with ease.
Mindfulness meditation: Meditation with a mindfulness spin allows you to be present in the moment, so it’s best used while you are interacting with others. To do this, some people might look for five objects of a certain color in the room around them or visually focus on one object and all the words they would use to describe it.
Deep breathing: Inhale slowly and deeply by breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. This can be used right before a stressful moment or while it’s happening.
Fear is a biological response designed to keep us safe from danger. However, over time, people may become fearful and anxious of things that don’t pose a real threat.
Focus on what you can control
There are many things about life that are out of our control. While this thought can be scary, the best way to manage anxiety from a lack of control is to focus on what is in your power. You will always be in charge of what you wear, think, say, do, and – ultimately – who you are. We are rarely able to change how other people act, since each person is responsible for themselves. Dwelling on this fact won’t allow you to change others, it will only make you feel worse. By focusing on what you can control, you can learn to accept the way things are and make the choices that are best for you. This also allows you to focus on what is going well.
Some affirmations can help with this. It may help to repeat some of the following sayings in times where circumstances feel out of control:
“I am not concerned with what other people think of me.”
“I am my own person – strong and in control.”
“I trust that things will work out the way they should.”
“I am open to life and wherever it takes me.”
“I accept myself for who I am and others for who they are.”
“With confidence and happiness, I can do anything.”
You can write these out in a notebook, save them in your phone, put them on a sticky note on your mirror, or simply repeat them in your head. Go with whatever helps you remember them in times of high stress.
Take social situations one step at a time
This is good advice for anything that seems unmanageable. Our brains work better when we break large things down into smaller and simpler pieces. Try to reframe how you look at social situations. Instead of thinking about how you have to stay at a concert for the whole 4 hours, think of the smaller steps involved in the process. First, try to focus on finding parking and walking to the venue. Then focus on setting up your lawn chairs in a place where you’ll have a good view of the stage. The next step will be to visit the food court and get something to eat while you’re waiting. Once these steps are done, prepare to listen to the first song. From there, you can take it one song at a time. If you’re at a dinner party, you might plan your steps out according to meals. If you are too overwhelmed with the crowd, you can leave after appetizers are served.
Remember
You’re not alone in your journey with social anxiety disorder. You can lean on loved ones as well as mental health professionals for help along the way. These steps and others can be very beneficial in managing social anxiety disorder. Reach out to our team today to learn more.
References
National Institute of Mental Health. (2022). Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness
Better Health. (n.d.) Reframing Unhelpful Thoughts. Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/reframing-unhelpful-thoughts/
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). New York, NY, US: Guilford Press.
Mayo Clinic. (2024). Relaxation Techniques: Try These Steps to Lower Stress. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368
Harvard Health Publishing. (n.d.) Six Relaxation Techniques to Reduce Stress. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/six-relaxation-techniques-to-reduce-stress