Overcoming Self-Criticism
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective way to address a wide range of persistently negative thoughts people may experience. One difficult thought pattern CBT is particularly useful for is any sort of internal dialogue that is unloving or harsh toward oneself. Such beliefs are referred to as self-criticism and can impact someone’s ability to properly nurture themselves, act with confidence, and live in the moment. In this article, we will discuss the ways CBT addresses critical thoughts that are directed inward and how this can help someone in the long-term.
Acknowledge critical thoughts
As we’ve mentioned before, the only way for CBT to be beneficial is if someone understands the challenges they are facing regarding their mental health and accepts help in improving them. This is also the first step to addressing self-criticism, which disguises itself in many ways.
Some critical thoughts people may grapple with include:
“I missed my appointment two times in a row. I can’t do anything right.”
“I lost my boyfriend to another woman. I am destined to be alone.”
“I deserve the pain I am experiencing because I am a bad person.”
“I didn’t score as high as I wanted to on my final exam. I am not good enough to get the degree I want.”
“I don’t like certain parts of my body, so no one else will either. I am unattractive.”
“I couldn’t figure out the work snag as quickly as my supervisor wanted me to. I am not smart or skilled.”
“I don’t like this hairstyle. I can’t stand the way I look.”
“My resume isn’t nearly as impressive as the new girl’s is, so I am unworthy of a promotion.”
Once you point out what thoughts enter your head most often (either good or bad), you can determine the ones that lead you to feel badly about yourself. These are also likely to worsen mental health symptoms such as anxiety or depression. From here, you will make a plan with your therapist to adjust these thoughts to ones that are gentler and more realistic.
Adjust statements of criticism to reflect self-love
This next step is perhaps the most difficult (but also the most essential) aspect of the long-term management of self-criticism. But this is what enables someone to move from speaking unkindly toward themselves to being more understanding of the ebb and flow that takes place in everyone’s life.
Let’s look back to the examples of self-critical statements above. There is nothing wrong with the start of each of these phrases. Most contain objective descriptions that very well could be used to explain something happening in a person’s life at any given time. The second part of each phrase, however, offers someone the opportunity to respond to each of these situations either positively or negatively. Formulating a positive response and practicing self-love doesn’t always need to be flowery or over the top. Statements of self-love simply involve meeting life’s challenges with a more understanding and accepting view. We all make mistakes and have room to grow, and those simple facts don’t make us bad people, they just make us human.
Reframing the above statements may look like this:
“I missed my appointment two times in a row. Everyone makes mistakes. I will put the next appointment in my phone calendar to help me remember.”
“I lost my boyfriend to another woman, but I am confident I will find someone else in time.”
“While I am in pain right now, I recognize that some pain is just a part of life. I know that what I am going through is not a reflection on my character. I am a good person who deserves to be at peace with herself.”
“I didn’t score as high as I wanted to on my final exam. But I put forth my best effort and that is what counts. I will continue to work hard toward my academic goals next semester.”
“I don’t like certain parts of my body, though all of it is part of me and I will accept my body for its beauty and flaws.”
“I couldn’t figure out the work snag as quickly as my supervisor wanted me to. Yet, in the end, I still solved the problem. For that, I am proud.”
“I don’t like this hairstyle, but it is part of me for now and I am still confident in how I look. I will wait until it grows out and try to fix it so it reflects my style better.”
“My resume isn’t nearly as impressive as the new girl’s is, though I have plenty of strengths that also make me a great fit for the new role.”
Develop compassion for yourself
While people who participate in CBT for self-criticism may continually reframe their thoughts to keep negative self-talk at bay, self-love skills are the tools they will use to sustain positive thoughts for years to come.
One of these skills is mindfulness, which prompts someone to live in the moment and gain a more realistic view of themselves and their surroundings. This helps people respond to what happens to them in a more understanding way. Choosing positive individuals to surround yourself with also helps minimize self-criticism. If others are critical of you, this often has an influence on your self-talk. In addition, building up good social support keeps you accountable for healthier self-care behaviors.
Some people use mantras or affirmations, which may especially be helpful for critical beliefs with a common theme. For example, someone who has continual thoughts of being a failure may meditate and repeat “I have done many wonderful things in my life, but loving myself is the greatest of all” 10 times each day as their core mantra. Some people may integrate affirmations into the reframed statements they develop so they are connected to certain negative thoughts, which helps with consistent practice. One example we used above demonstrates appropriate use of this: “I don’t like certain parts of my body, though all of it is part of me and I will accept my body for its beauty and flaws.” When repeating the mantra in this format, some people choose to reframe it as the full sentence and then repeat just the last part as their mantra.
Ready to Turn Down the Volume on Your Inner Critic?
If self-critical thoughts are holding you back, you don’t have to face them alone. At East Side CBT, our compassionate therapists specialize in helping clients build self-love, reframe negative thinking, and develop healthier inner dialogue using proven Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a kinder, more empowered version of yourself.
References:
Kroener, J., Mahler, J., & Sosic-Vasic, Z. (2023). Addressing self-criticism in depression using CBT-based emotion-focused chairwork: study protocol of a randomised controlled trial. BMJ open, 13(10), e073128. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2023-073128
CBT Psychology. (2020). From Self-Criticism to Inner Peace. Retrieved from https://cbtpsychology.com/self-criticism/